Can you keep a secret?

Because I can't.

For years I have.  Ever since about the 5th grade or so.  I have held dearly to my heart a secret that could humiliate and maybe even commit me.

I am not even sure if I should tell you, here.  I will say that it has become increasingly awkward to keep up my secret as a person my age does not carry on with...well maybe when we talk next on the phone I can say it.  Here, I don't think I can.

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The Secret Revisited

Alright.  I think I am finally ready to tell you, dear reader, whoever you are.  Ever since I was about 10 years old, up until at least this past year, I have not only had an imaginary friend but I have had an imaginary boyfriend.

Bartholomew Saint James

He first manifested as my internal life became increasingly more vivid and a safe haven.  I would carry on conversations, share my dreams and fears, and more, all in my mind.  His name came from Bart Simpson partially and I never pictured him with any particular look.  He was just someone who was always there.  He always knew exactly what I needed whether it was a kind word or a mental hug.  Long and lonely nights were soothed as I prayed with him.

However it may be received, I know that the relationship I have fostered over the years has at times kept me from leaping off the precipices that presented themselves.  If that makes me weird, at least it helped me stay sane.