On the Verge of Jumping

I will save you the sob story of how busy I have been and why I haven't been able to update you, whoever you are, about my continuing adventure here in New York. I will not, however, save you from the obligatory life update.




My job is chugging along, without benefits, but paying my bills nonetheless. I am still attending three churches regularly with my partner and am currently planning on adding a fourth service. There is one startling and major development that has provided the much needed sign post in my life-albeit not quite all the answers.




A few years ago, I sat across from my (soon to be ex-) pastor at the Baptist church I had attended for over six years while he took the time to very logically kill my dream. He had just preached a sermon on dreamkillers and I thought that Sunday would be the perfect time to talk about the exciting seed God planted in my heart through a Beth Moore Bible study. I wanted to go to seminary and become a Bible literacy teacher for youth. There were few options beyond youth teacher according to the confined spaces I had witnessed women occupy in our church.





"Churches are a dog eat dog world"
"There isn't a market for that in San Antonio and you can't make one"
"You have to be careful about what these schools will try to teach you"






and on and on he went. I took diligent notes for half an hour, thanked him for his time, and never attended services at that church again. I let the dream fade and considered teaching secularly as a decent option. It would be over five years before I would allow the sun to shine on the seedling hiding in my heart. One of my pastors, after hearing this part of my faith journey, asked if I had thought about going to seminary recently. "Off and on over the years but nothing recently," I replied. She asked, with such wisdom, "Is there any reason why you wouldn't consider it now?"




That question watered my spirit months ago and my life has been swiftly tilting more and more toward God but not just to teach. Another of my pastors pinpointed the visibility of ordination within my call, to which I laughed like Sarai when she overheard that God would bring her a child in her old age. However, the last time someone spoke a wildly amazing but ridiculous to me vision into my life, I was being urged to apply to Harvard and Stanford over Howard Payne University. I laughed, but I applied and believed.




Now, as I resist the testimony of the prophet Jonah, I laugh, but I am auditing a class at seminary and looking at my options for full time seminary in the coming school year. I am letting go of my hold of my life and dreams in order to allow the Master to take hold, mold me, and use me.