Communal Meditation

Tonight I looked into the eyes of a stranger and exposed myself.  During the "diad" portion of social meditation at the Shambala temple, I sat across from a woman under the age of 30 atop a soft mat and box shaped firm cushion.  We were told by the facilitator to simply look at the other person for the first portion of the meditation.  No expression, no smile, no societally established norms to fall back on.  We were warned that the experience could cause us to laugh out of nervousness or feel fear from the energy created between each of us.  Both were true.

Before this vulnerable moment, I began the evening of Shambala's 30 and Under Meditation as a beginner in the side temple room.  We were provided instruction on the Shambala method of meditation.  Having already done some meditation with Pandit, the Chaplain of Union Theological Seminary, I anticipated deep breathing and resisting the urge to fall asleep with closed eyes over the scent of incense. I was only correct in anticipating the incense.  Interestingly, Shambala is a practice of meditation done with eyes open--as our normal reality is lived--and with normal breath.  The stance of the body was to have our knees below our hips and our hands palm down on our knees.  Our chin was to be slightly tucked in and our lips slightly open to allow our jaws to relax.  

The lasting impression of the practice was how grounded it seemed to me.  The intention behind each aspect was centered around how we live in everyday life.  In fact, the facilitator repeated that we should be gentle to ourselves.  There was no right and wrong and that personal kindness can (and will) be applied to the rest of our lives.  

I was marketing to people but no one was buying

so since you don't care, do you mind if i tell you something.  now i don't know what you are gonna do with this information, but since you and i both don't care, i guess it doesn't matter now.  ever since i met you, i have liked you.  i still remember the day on the gray campus when i first told you and you freaked out.  besides the fact that it was quite painful and tramatizing, i continued to feel for you.  now i have only a few months to do anything if anything.  you know all those times i was talking to you and i would shake my head and walk away.  i remember doing that quite often.  it was because you were either hanging around a girl or they were hanging around you or i was feeling those feelings that i could never develop anything so i felt stupid and out of place around you and felt i shouldn't torture me or you so i leave the situation.  now, i am against the ropes and basically, i see that i have nothing to lose but everything to gain.  :) that is, of course if you want to...

To Northwest Leadership Foundation

An important aspect of growing up in San Antonio was the combination of a vibrant Hispanic community, my strong participation with my church and the integral role that my black family played in developing a sense of responsibility to my kin and community.  I celebrated Cinco de Mayo year after year in school, participated in family birthday parties which included everyone during the festivities, and volunteered heavily in my church’s tutoring, youth choir, and youth bible study ministry.  The morals, values, work ethic, pride for my community, and confidence in myself can all be traced to specific people or events in the Alamo city and I believe I can foster these traits and more in the youth of Tacoma, Washington.

The Northwest Leadership Foundation in Tacoma is a program that puts its faith first within its values just as I strive to do in my own life.  When I perused the AmeriCorps site for programs which would allow me to grow and develop myself in an effort to prepare for graduate school, a spiritual based yearlong opportunity seemed a fantastic fit.  I would be able to serve a community and accomplish my gap year goals in a beautiful area of my country that was new to me while growing my personal faith.Tacoma, being the third largest city in the state of Washington, is comprised of 60% Caucasian while the rest of the population includes black, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, and other distinct groups which all possess the same challenges that many growing urban cities of diverse communities face: low income and minority students struggling to obtain the most from their education as impoverished and minority cultures struggling for a voice in the community.  

I have lived through poverty, overcrowded public schools, and the identity crisis that W.E.B. DuBois describes as a “double consciousness.”  As a potential mentor and servant of the youth community in Tacoma, I hope to engage deeply with students and communities both inside and outside of my own.  Developing meaningful relationships will give me the opportunity to speak positive and inspiring truth into the lives of young people the same way the Deacon from my church or the Director of the Texas State Math Camp changed my outlook and trajectory in life by believing in me.  In a year, I could develop my spiritual and social leadership and gain life changing experienceswhich will go on to shape how I choose to serve other communities I go on to live in.

With all the benefits of the program, I realize that there will also be challenges.  Living in an entirely new part of the country can be exciting but I will also need to be open and flexible to the new people and a different environment to what I am used to-basically I am talking about snow!  Gratefully, I lived in central Illinois for almost 2 years so snow is no longer as new to me as it was growing up in south Texas. I also anticipate dealing with a Latino community and because I have studied Japanese more recently than I have studied Spanish, I fear I may be a little rusty with my command of the language.  Of course, because I loved learning Spanish, I actually am looking forward tobrushing up on los palabros y mas all summer long just in case I am needed in the Tacoma Latino community.  Coming from a city heavily influenced by Hispanic culture, I know how much cultural capital the Spanish language can possess.  I look forward to embracing these seeming difficulties as opportunities along with the tremendous chance of a lifetime.

Dear New Sector Americorps

I have spent four years on leave between my junior and senior years at Stanford University in order to pay off a housing bill.  During that time, I worked through temp agencies, acquired and used a certified nursing assistant license, and held a job over a year for the first time in my life.  I also took advantage of a community program offering a complementary Clemente humanities course.  For the years I spent out of school, I learned about myself as well as what communities have to offer their residents.  I learned more about resources and opportunities from librarians and community centers than anywhere else.  When it came time for me to consider a program for my gap year between undergrad and graduate school, I knew I wanted to give back and pay forward all that had been given to me.

As a contributing member for the New Sector AmeriCorps program in either Boston or San Francisco, I look forward to spending my gap year making a difference with a corporation or institution from within.  Working side by side with people for a year I will have the chance to build experiences in an office environment as well as learn how a non-profit works.  Certainly, as with any other time I have given my time and energy for others, I know I will find myself rewarded in many unexpected and long-lasting ways.  Getting to know people at their need allows me to see people beyond superficial assumptions.  The relationships I make will do more than simply help those I work for.  I will gain insights about myself and the world around me which will contribute to bettering the woman I am becoming.  Living in a new city also seems like a wonderful way to build self-confidence, stretch my opinion of what I can do, and see a new part of my country.  Most of the people in my family have never left our hometown of San Antonio.  Every time I venture out into the world, I have more to bring back when I return.  

Once chosen for the program, I will have the chance to pool the people and soft skills I have gained from the varied positions I held over the past few years and use them all for a business that is providing its community with needed services.  I have worked several positions making phone calls for a myriad of companies, done physical labor as a certified nursing assistant and in a warehouse, and worked in a number of sales positions.  I am comfortable working with people of all ages and my definition of “working” includes doing what I am asked for, well, and then finding something else to do.  Being the oldest of four children in a single home, chores and helping out were a natural part of my life.  The work ethic my mother instilled in me carries over to each task I am given.

Though the program will take me far from my mother in Texas, I know she will continue to be proud of me as I do good with the gifts I have been blessed with.  Thank you for your time and consideration.  

Sincerely,

Shamika Goddard  

Writings from the Attic

I think this was once part of an application for Teach for America.  I did not get to participate in the program, but pondering on where my mind was then, I believe preparing for that opportunity helped me process my journey.

Programs such as AmericCorps send people directly into the heart of communities and lend more than a helping hand.   I will have the chance to better understand how social issues are manifesting themselves today, how people and organizations are helping, and most importantly, where my skills and desires can contribute the most good.  With my “ear to the road” of what programs are doing, I can bend the ears of people who have been involved for years or those who are just starting like me to gather stories, pitfalls, successes, and insights to carry with me.  

My graduate studies will be directly affected by my experience during the gap year.  I am exploring a number of programs from anthropology to American studies and am open to allowing my life adventures to speak directly to what I finally decide to research.  Because I have lived at the poverty level, both growing up and during my leave of absence, I know that there exists plenty of work for an eager and positive woman to tackle.  At the end of the year, I imagine myself thinking back over the memories like jewels and coming to the roughest ones.  Once I have selected them, I will use the rest of my academic studies to uncover the diamonds from those rough moments and cherish my contributions by passing them on.  The more people who decide to help change even one other life, the more lives there will be to sparkle.

As I come to the end of my academic arc, I look back to the family members and friends back home who are still struggling to get high school diplomas, raising the young children they had young themselves, and I cannot help but take on a responsibility to use what I have gained to help.  

Modern day equivalent of cleaning the attic

Rediscovering old Google docs!

Though none of these plans worked, it was nice to have it typed out.

Pay off Stanford

$200 a week starting week of May 30th (Memorial Day weekend) for 11 weeks assuming I can get $1000 from family and friends  Bill must be taken care of six to eight weeks before classes start on Monday September 20th

Lease is up 2nd week of August.  If need more money, try and find someone willing to let me and Stephen stay with them.  Must have enough money to visit Texas then move to California.

Work 30 hrs a week at Cracker Barrel and have Stephen pay rent, utilities, and buy food if I don't have food stamps as well as pay for my therapy and meds.  This puts a lot of trust in him and what he has to do for me to make that happen.

Work full time as a CNA or something in town.  See if I could go back to Heartland since I was already established there but also look into working at Carle or Provena

Champaign

Stephen

You will move out here after your notice at work.  When you get here, you will live with me in my room, as long as its okay with my roommates.  You will need to find work in town.  That way we are already registered for when we go to California.  You should look into therapy at family services. 

Us

We can look into couples therapy. We won't need to buy a car but we can register together for the zipcars in town.  We can do date nights. Have to deal with former relationships in town

Shamika

Either find a job as a CNA full time or go back to Cracker Barrel and work. staying at cb

Either find interim housing between august and sept or pay deposit and hold apt in cali...

California

Work

Fill out paperwork to transfer CNA license to California

Apply for jobs at Stanford hospitals and talk to Lisa about her friend who works in the hospital who may know of available jobs

Talk to Mary at Ricker about getting work in campus dining again 
Stephen

print paperwrk from nursing aid registry

Travel

Alamo car rental too expensive 

Greyhound more expensive than plane ride 

Apartment

Ask mary morrison when i will get my fin aid and how much i can expect so i know how much i can afford with an apt$1,100 a month for rent.  Aid disbursed sept 20th

Starting at $800/month for a studio in East Palo Alto 
We have a number of convenient locations in the Woodland Park area, which are available for immediate occupancy. 
Located west of Highway 101, within blocks of Downtown Palo Alto. 
Rates are starting from $800 a month with $500 deposit (OAC) for a studio apartment. 
Leasing terms are 6, 9, and 12 months. 
(Call for more information on Short-Term Leases & Furnished Apartments.) 
Most properties are within gated communities, all keyed access, and with private security patrol. 
Nearby conveniences: IKEA, BestBuy, Home Depot, Nordstrom Rack, Mi Pueblo Supermarket, Firehouse Bar & Grill. 
Within 15 minutes away from Downtown Palo Alto and Stanford campus 
Current promotion: 2nd month free with a 12 month lease. 
Contact: Elmer Martinez @ 650-520-8784 or WoodlandParkNorth@yahoo.com  emailed
Email Response

$900 Three 1-Bedroom Furnished Units in a Tri-plex in Menlo Park, West of Highway 101. 

Available now! 
Three ground floor units available in a small, quiet triplex. 
Completely furnished. 
Deposit equal to one month's rent. 
Sunny kitchen with refrigerator and stove. 
Located at 1969 Euclid Avenue, off of University Avenue. 
10 minutes to campus by bike or car. 
No pets allowed. 
Water, garbage, and gardening included. 
Parking for one car per unit, and the city of Menlo Park does not allow parking on the street overnight. 
Front and back fenced yards. 
Stanford shopping centers nearby. 
One year minimum stay. 

Contact: A. Carrie (415) 387 - 6383 or (415) 305-4529 at any time

I'm Feeling a Little Cliche Today

How about a post on January 1st!

I could talk about my goals and dreams and "resolutions" for the coming 364 days, catch you up on what has been going on in my life, and end with words to live by.

Or I can admit that I had 4 slices of bread and buffalo peanut crumbs for lunch.

I have a few more hours until my vacation officially ends and I have to wear actual clothes and real shoes and go to class tomorrow.

Until then, I figured I would get all my pictures and docs onto Google.  While waiting for the pics to upload and shuffling documents into folders, I have come across several writings and figured I should go ahead and post them up.

This of course means a new blog!!  I am going to post up my essays from school and then update my spiritual blog with notes from Youversion.

I am also going to upload my Smashbooks, but I think a better forum would be Tumblr for those, since I do want to be more cool this year.

If I had to have a resolution, that would be it.  I want to Tech it Up, get my life online instead of just in line, and be ready for the machines when they launch their first move.  Clearly, I have been watching too much Prophets of Science Fiction on Netflix...or not enough!

As every year, I burst forth ready to learn from my mistakes only to at least make new ones.  At least this year, I celebrate having the same partner in crime as I did last year.  Here is to you my darling (:-*)