But I'm not.
I'm not even in the city-I'm in Queens!
So just an update about my life:
My manager and I have gone toe to toe a little bit because I have been late a few times and she has been trying to get me to use systems that she is still getting used to. Its just frustrating that I am being talked down to, "well if you just check the google doc you would see" even though I had and that is why I have issue and so on. Other than that, I love the reading center, the cute tutors, and the even cuter students.
Living in Queens isn't awful, but I am just so far away from the friends I have made, my co-workers, and the city. I spend over an hour getting everywhere and nearly anywhere from work to uptown. It was frustrating and now I just make sure I have the paper, a book, or the NYT saved articles available in my phone. My basement apt, when you look at the sum of its parts, is pretty great. I have the whole basement to myself with its kitchen, tiny bathroom, and my room. I can't, however, use the washer dryer that is right across from my room that the main family comes down and does use. I am thinking of asking if I can pay an extra $50 a month or something instead of dragging my clothes upstairs and several blocks away to a cleaners.
And now for the date...
The man's name is Richard, or Rich, and he is in his mid thirties. He is on the heavier side, but has a sweet face. Like I mentioned on the phone, he went to grad school and now works for the city in urban planning and lives a few blocks away from central park. For our date, he packed a picnic, brought a blanket, and several delicious dishes from a bistro near his house. We talked for a little bit and ended the meal with a little make out session right there in the park...innocent enough...but enough to want to cancel the tour of the park and watch a movie at his place. Transformers 3.
Now we both know that when a guy invites you to his place, no matter the excuse, its goin down. He said he needed to drop off the salads and stuff in his fridge and we decided to go ahead and watch the movie. His attention was not on the movie, and I knew I wouldn't be able to finish it until I gave him my attention. It's not that I didn't want to, I did. But, I also wanted to get to know him better before I biblically knew him. The road to hell...
So between the clean up and shower and putting our clothes back on, I couldn't help but hide tears of frustration and sadness. He did not push me. He asked me. Of course, when we are in the middle of making out, I want to keep going. I am still accustomed to the level of intimacy that I had in my marriage and I want to get to that level as soon as possible with the next person I share my life and myself with. Dangerous. Because not everyone wants what I want. He gave me the whole, "No matter what happens between us..." speech which did the opposite of comfort me and even though we finished the movie and spent the rest of the evening walking around 5th avenue and seeing Times Square I could not shake the feeling that I blew it.
Granted, even if I hadn't given up the cookies, I could probably have figured out that this guy wasn't looking for a girlfriend or something long term. He says that he wants to be my tour guide which may just be a cover for fwb.
But the city is a lonely place...
And he does have condoms...
Am I that desparate to be held, to be told I am pretty, to feel the sweet caress of another's lips on mine?
No comments:
Post a Comment